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Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 13, Episode 11
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the eleventh episode of the thirteenth series. Key * HD - Hugh Dennis * EB - Ed Byrne * MJ - Milton Jones * AP - Andy Parsons * ZL - Zoe Lyons * RB - Rob Beckett Topics Things You Wouldn't Hear At A Party Conference AP - Wilkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome, o the UKIP party conference. HD - The leader's speech will be signed for the hard-of-hearing (pulls long nose, yawns, shakes fist) RB - Welcome to the UKIP party conference. We've picked the most British place we could find. Welcome to Benidorm! EB - And the good news is, the polling date is in, and we are just ahead of "Others". MJ - Good news if you're a small mother. We are going to raise the mini-mum wage! ZL - Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding and welcome your new leader of the UKIP party, it's Mrs. Chowdry and her wife, Paula. EB - Fellow members of UKIP, I think it is safe to say judging by the amount of Eastern Europeans working in the kitchen here that the soup we had for lunch was mainly piss. AP - As the Lib-Dem leader I say to you: go back to your constituencies and prepare your CVs. MJ - Let me say quite categorically that this party is (flips coin) in favour of nuclear power. EB - Welcome Liberal Democrats. The theme of the conference this year: "Why are we bothering?" RB - Please welcome to the stage your new Prime Minister, Mel B. HD - And for the last time, for the last time can I assure you that the NHS is safe in our blood-stained money-grabbing hands. Unlikely Things To Hear On Daytime TV MJ - Good night. ZL - Well welcome back to Dutch daytime TV, next up it's Hash in the Attic. RB - Hello and welcome to The Chase. (Runs towards camera) EB - Good evening--- sorry, good afternoon, forgot how badly my career was going there. HD - Today on 60 Minute Makeover, David Dickinson gets resprayed with creosote again. AP - Thank you for watching This Morning. Now put down the vodka, get dressed, and go to work. MJ - Today on Jeremy Kyle, Jayden will be asking Mustafa... No I'd better not do that one now. AP - Today's episode of Jeremy Kyle ''has just been cancelled. '''MJ' - Today on Jeremy Kyle, Jayden will be asking Spencer why he won't read his research paper on neutron decay in lithium isotopes. That was worth it. AP - Today on Jeremy Kyle, Jayden will be asking Spencer where is Mustafa. RB - Hello and welcome to Who Do You Think You Are? How Dare You! I Don't Care If You're A 70s DJ! ZL - Welcome back. Well, we'll see if the police catch them before they actually hand over the drugs. Yes, it's Deal Or No Deal. RB - Susan asked for a distressed look in her front room, so we told her her cat had been run over. EB - Your watching More4 next up... (pause) I'm going to go with Come Dine With Me. HD - The next programme has been sponsored by Dignitas: Come Die With Me. EB - And next I'm going to be reading out some of your texts and E-mails. That's what you get for not locking your phone. HD - Due to a misunderstanding, Flog It: Saudi Arabia ''has been cancelled. '''MJ' - Hello and welcome to ''Loose Women. ''(loosens body and walks back to place) Category:Scenes We'd Like To See